How to Increase Libido in Midlife

Has your libido upped and left the building? One of the most common concerns shared by women going through their midlife is a decreased or non existent Libido (sex drive). Here we look at how we can give life to our libido and enjoy being intimate.

Our libido can be a bit of a mystery - if it's not there, you're not motivated to find it, but if you don't look for it, you won't find it. 

The subject of sex and libido is intriguing because, as expected, everyone holds their own perspective, and there's no definitive right or wrong viewpoint. Put simply, there's no 'universal standard' for the ideal level of sexual desire. While some individuals might desire sex two-three times a day, others might be content with three times a year. As long as it suits the dynamics of the couple involved, it's perfectly acceptable.

 

The potential challenges

These arise when one partner desires frequent intimacy while the other prefers occasional or minimal encounters—this doesn't imply one person is correct and the other incorrect, but rather highlights a discrepancy in sexual preferences. So when we talk about getting back to your 'normal,' we mean returning to your desired level of sex drive, whether that be increased or decreased. There's no judgment here - it's all about finding what works for you.

 

Decreased or vanishing libido

This can be due to a number of influencial factors for example, Changes in hormone levels (imbalance of estrogen or decrease in testosterone), stress, poor health, low mood, body image to name a few.

Signs of diminished sexual desire or a decrease in libido may include:

Feeling disinterested in any form of sexual activity.
Rarely or never experiencing sexual fantasies or thoughts.
Feeling discontented with desire or thoughts of sex.                                                    Avoidance of an intimate moment or not enjoying any level of intimacy.

 
It's common for individuals, mostly women, to undergo long or short periods where you lose interest in sex or encounter challenges reaching orgasm.

Various life transitions can influence your sexual interest, and it's important to recognise that this doesn't necessarily indicate a major problem, but rather an awkward one.

Both physical and psychological factors can contribute to your attitudes toward sexual intimacy. What is important to note, it can impact your relationships if you don't talk through these changes that have an impact. By being open about what you are feeling or experiencing can really improve your communication around these issues. You never know, by talking about it may be the start of something beautiful!

 

Signs of an Increased libido

Conversely, some people may experience an increase in libido. Whilst a strong sex drive is normal and healthy for women, it can bring its own challenges that need to be understood and managed well.

Thinking about sex more often.
Really wanting to have sex and starting it.
Being more turned on by sexual things.
Being excited to try new sexual things.
Feeling really good and happy after sex.
Always looking for chances to have sex.
Not feeling shy or inhibited when it comes to sex.

Various elements can influence a woman's heightened sex drive. Biological factors like hormonal changes during ovulation or pregnancy can boost sexual desire. Psychological aspects such as feeling good about one's body, confidence, and emotional health can also affect libido. Furthermore, medications, lifestyle decisions, and relationship dynamics can contribute to a woman's level of sexual interest.

Women can experience fluctuations in both increased or decreased libido however, it is more common for women to experience low libido, especially during midlife. 

 

Loss of libido is common for women in the years before and after menopause. 

Why does this happen?

Putting aside your deeper reasons for low libido like trauma, relationship breakdown or emotional attachment, hormones play a significant part in our quest for regular intimacy. Your hormones may be out of sync with you.

Estrogen and testosterone are essential female hormones that influence our libido. During your follicular phase (the first half of your menstrual cycle), Estrogen rises to stimulate ovulation (the release of an egg from your ovaries). This surge peaks during the ovulation phase and is accompanied by an increase in testosterone, signaling your fertility. If your hormones aren't performing this quickstep dance as expected, you may not experience the same arousing effects.

Having an understanding of your menstrual cycle allows you to track what should be happening and when. This awareness helps identify any irregularities, indicating a hormone imbalance. many period apps out there offer support for achieving a balanced, regular cycle.

 

Could your hormonal contraception be affecting your Libido?

If you are not familiar with how hormonal contraception affects your body, read on.

In layman's terms, contraception serves to avoid unintended pregnancies and disrupts communication between your brain and your ovaries preventing monthly ovulation. It also helps to thicken the cervical mucous making it difficult for those little sperms to get through.

The impact of taking contraception on libido can vary greatly depending on the individual and the specific type of birth control being used. Contraception contains synthetic hormones that may influence changes in libido (sex drive). 

 

Here's how you can help to improve your Libido 

Eat well
This is important for your overall health. While there's no specific diet to boost libido, good nutrition can improve how your body works during sex. A balanced diet supports your heart, reduces inflammation, and gives your body the right nutrients for making hormones that can make you want sex more.

Research shows that eating a balanced diet with lots of fruits, veggies, whole grains, nuts, beans, low-fat dairy, and lean meat can help your hormones stay balanced. It's also good to avoid too much saturated fat, sugar, and alcohol because they can lower your sex drive.

De-stress 
Deep breathing exercises: Take slow, deep breaths to calm your mind and relax your body. Use the 4-4-4 method. Take a deep breath in for 4, hold for 4 and breath out for 4, repeat upto 6 cycles, more if you need. 

Meditation or mindfulness
Practice techniques to focus your attention and alleviate your stress. These can be a game changer for helping your overall body and mind relax. There are so many apps and you tube videos to choose from that can help you experience all the benefits of mindfulness and meditation. 

Exercise regularly
Engage in physical activity to release endorphins and reduce tension. Start slowly by going for daily walks, try some yoga or pilates. Or if you are a gym junkie this is a good way to thrash out your stress on the treadmill. 

Prioritise sleep
We can't stress this enough and if you are anything like us at Goddess HQ then you will love hitting the sheets after a busy day. Ensure you get enough rest to rejuvenate your body and mind. This can be different for everyone, some can function very well on only a few hours of sleep whereas, others may need 8-10 hours.

Communication
This seems pretty straight forward however, it can be more difficult than one thinks if you struggle with showing or communicating your true feelings. Talk openly with your partner about your feelings and desires if you can to alleviate relationship stress or you could maybe write it down if you find this easier. In most situations communication is key to resolving issues. 

Enjoy hobbies
Participate in activities you enjoy to unwind and recharge. Do them together and increase that all important bonding. Take a stroll, cook together or go out for a nice romantic dinner, maybe go dancing or singing. Whatever floats youir boat give it a whirl, it may be the best thing you can do for your relationship

If you are really struggling, Seek professional help. Consider therapy or counseling to address underlying stressors impacting your libido. Whether you explore individual therapy or joint is up to you. Find out what works and what feels comfortable in terms of types of therapy. 

Now it's time for you to go and get your libido back!

As discussed here, there are numerous influencial factors that impact your libido and it is so common amongst women, so please know you are not alone. Fluctuating libido levels can really impact you and your relationships putting a strain on things but now you have some helpful tips to get things re-started. We hope that you can re-ignite that fire inside you and enjoy intimacy once more, or maybe more than once, or twice!