Menopause and Relationships: Why Midlife Changes Can Shake Up Your Marriage

Menopause is often discussed in terms of hot flushes, mood swings, and the sudden need to stick your head in the freezer. But one thing that doesn’t get enough attention is how menopause impacts relationships, particularly marriages. With hormonal changes, emotional shifts, and physical challenges, it’s no surprise that many women find their relationships going through a rough patch during this time.

In fact, the statistics tell an interesting story. Divorce rates in Australia show that women over 45 are disproportionately represented in separations. According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, the median age for divorce is 45.9 years for women and 47.0 years for men, with many of these divorces occurring after long-term marriages. While there are many reasons for these breakups, the changes brought on by menopause often play a significant role.

So, what is it about menopause that can lead to relationship strain, and how can couples navigate this life transition without heading straight for the divorce courts?

Let’s unpack it.

The Physical and Emotional Toll of Menopause

Menopause isn’t just about the end of periods; it’s a significant hormonal shift that affects the entire body. As estrogen levels decline, women often experience a range of symptoms, including:

• Mood swings and irritability – The emotional rollercoaster can make even the most patient partner feel like they’re walking on eggshells. Or worse, it can make you want to throttle them for simply existing.

• Fatigue and sleep disturbances – Night sweats and insomnia can lead to exhaustion, making daily interactions more tense. And let’s be honest, your partner’s snoring is suddenly five times louder than it was before.

• Low libido and painful intercourse – The drop in estrogen can cause vaginal dryness, making intimacy uncomfortable or even painful. Cue the new bedtime routine of Netflix and sleeping in separate beds.

• Anxiety and depression – Many women experience heightened anxiety or even full-blown depressive episodes during menopause. Suddenly, even a casual “What’s for dinner?” feels like a deeply personal attack.

• Cognitive changes – Memory lapses and brain fog can make women feel unlike themselves, leading to frustration and self-doubt. If you’ve ever put your keys in the fridge, welcome to the club.

When these symptoms go unmanaged or unacknowledged, they can put a strain on even the strongest relationships.

Why Menopause Can Lead to Divorce

It’s no coincidence that many divorces occur when women are in their late 40s and early 50s, the prime menopausal years. There are several factors at play:

1. Communication Breakdowns

Hormonal fluctuations can cause women to feel more irritable, withdrawn, or overwhelmed. If their partners don’t understand what’s happening, it can lead to misunderstandings and resentment. Many couples struggle to have open conversations about menopause, leading to emotional distance.

And let’s be real, if you find yourself fantasising about living alone just so you don’t have to listen to them breathe, it’s time for a chat.

2. Changing Priorities

Midlife is often a time of reflection. Women who have spent decades raising children and supporting their partners may start questioning what they want for themselves. This period of self-discovery can lead to a shift in priorities, and for some, that means re-evaluating their marriage. Sometimes, it’s not about falling out of love, it’s about finally getting the TV remote to yourself!

3. Sexual Changes and Intimacy Issues

Menopause can make sex physically uncomfortable, leading to a decline in intimacy. If this isn’t addressed, one or both partners may feel rejected or disconnected. In some cases, it may drive one partner to seek intimacy elsewhere, further straining the marriage.

And if you’re wondering why no one talks about this part of menopause, it’s because most women are too busy Googling “best lubricant for menopause” at 2 AM.

4. Emotional Disconnection

Many women experience a sense of loneliness during menopause. If their partners don’t offer emotional support or acknowledge what they’re going through, the distance between them can grow.

Sometimes, you just want your partner to stop telling you to calm down and instead bring you a block of chocolate and nod supportively.

5. Increased Financial and Life Stressors

Menopause often coincides with other significant life events, children leaving home, ageing parents needing care, or career changes. The added stress can amplify relationship tensions.

Also, let’s not forget the newfound ability to cry over a superannuation statement. It’s a fun new skill.

Divorce Trends in Australia for Women Over 45

Divorce statistics paint a clear picture of this midlife shift. Data from the Australian Bureau of Statistics shows that while the overall divorce rate has been declining, divorce among older women is becoming more common. The highest divorce rate is among women aged 45-54, indicating that many long-term marriages are dissolving during the menopausal years.

Research suggests that women in this age group are increasingly choosing to end marriages that no longer fulfil them, prioritising their well-being and independence. Unlike previous generations, today’s midlife women are more financially independent and less willing to stay in unhappy relationships for the sake of convenience or societal expectations.

How Couples Can Navigate Menopause Together

While menopause can be challenging for relationships, it doesn’t have to spell the end of a marriage. With the right approach, couples can strengthen their bond rather than let it deteriorate. Here’s how:

1. Open and Honest Communication

Talking about menopause openly can help both partners understand what’s happening. Women should feel comfortable expressing their needs, and partners should be willing to listen without judgment.

And remember, “I just need some space” does not mean “I want a divorce” - it might just mean she needs a nap and some alone time.

2. Seek Professional Support

Menopause isn’t just a personal issue, it’s a medical and psychological one too. Seeking advice from a GP, menopause specialist, or couple's therapist can provide tools to navigate this transition.

3. Address Sexual Changes Together

Rather than avoiding intimacy, couples should explore solutions like lubricants, hormone therapy, or alternative forms of connection that don’t rely solely on penetrative sex.

4. Prioritise Emotional Connection

Menopause can be isolating, so it’s crucial to nurture emotional closeness. Small gestures, like checking in with each other, showing appreciation, or spending quality time together, can make a big difference.

5. Embrace This Phase as a New Beginning

Instead of seeing menopause as an ending, couples can treat it as an opportunity to redefine their relationship. Many couples find that by working through these challenges together, they come out stronger and more connected than before.

Final Thoughts

Menopause is a major life transition that impacts not just a woman’s body but her relationships as well. The rising divorce rates among women over 45 in Australia highlight the importance of acknowledging and addressing the challenges that come with this phase of life.

The good news? With open communication, emotional support, and a willingness to adapt, menopause doesn’t have to mean the end of a relationship. In fact, for many couples, it can be the beginning of a deeper, more meaningful connection, with just a little extra patience, understanding, and, let’s be honest, noise-cancelling earplugs for the snoring.